PS 3513 
.R695 
13 

1914 
Copy 1 



Rachel Had Only 
en Born A Boy III 




Riant Studio 
Jersey City, N. J. 



RIANT GUILD 

Promoters 
Newark and Baldwin Avenues 

Jersey City, N. J. 



If Rachel Had Only 
Been Born A Boy!!! 



COiVlEDV 
SKETCH 



By Walter Smith Griffith 



Riant Studio 
Jersey City. N. J. 



/f/f- 






Copyright (1914) by Walter Smith Griffith. 
All rights reserved. 



GADDIS BROS., Printers 
304-10 Baldwin Ave 
<^ Jersey City 

MAR 18 1914 
0)CI.D 36388 



If Rachel Had Only 
Been Born a Boy ! ! ! 

Dramatis Persona. 

Isadora Cohen (Germ an- Jew) rich 
second-hand clothier. 

Mrs. Cohen (Sarah), his wife. 

Rachel, their daughter (only child). 

Eugene Dwyer (Irish-American), 
artist. 

SCENE I. 

(Parlor of Cohen domicile, Harlem, 
8 p. m. ; Mrs. Cohen in rocking-chair, 
kniting socks ; Isadore walking up and 
down with hands clasped behind back; 
Rachel seated on piano stool, by piano, 
facing them). 

Rachel — Papa, why can't I marry 
Gene ? He makes good money ; he's 
handsome and so romantic. Just think! 
Your daughter the wife of an artist! 

Isadore — Vhy? Vhy .'^ I toldt you 



vhy ! Vhy aindt he so obstinate ? Shust 
shange his names to Cohen and efery- 
ting vas as merry as snowballs ! Vhy, 
if King Solomon was alife now he'd 
shange his names to Conen! He was a 
vise mans. Dwyer ! Dwyer ! Who 
efer heardt uf dem Irisher as compared 
mit the original names uf Cohen? 

Rachel — But, papa — 

Isadore — Papa! Papa! Vhy dond 
you say fader. Id voud show more re- 
specd for your fader. 

Sarah — Vhy dond your mans be more 
as reasonable as your fader, Rachel? 
Vhy, loogk ad how I shanged my 
names to Cohen ! My beeples ver gread 
beeples — ^the Isaacsteins. I vas glad to 
shange my names to Cohen. 

Isadore (throwing up his hands and 
wailing) — Great Fader Abraham, vhy 
wasn't my Rachel horned a boy? Must 
the only original Cohen be the last of 
his race? 



Rachel (appealingly) — What's m a 
name, father? 

Isadore — A names! A names! Cohen 
a names! Cohen vas a race — a gread 
beeples! Vhen das Irisher ver vearing 
a var club and sunburns my beeples ver 
clothed in silks and satins und ruling 
der nations. 

Sarah — Vhy dond you marry Jakey 
Cohen, Rachel? He vouldn't haf to 
shange his names, and he's rich. 

Rachel (excitedly) — That old frump? 
He's sixty. Oh, you Reno! 

Isadore — Jah! Jakey vould be shust 
the poy. 

Rachel (turning hurriedly to piano) 
— have you heard the latest, father? 

Isadore — What? The Yiddisher nap- 
kin? 

Rachel — Yiddisher Rag, you mean, 
father. 

Isadore (meekly) — You saidt it 
vasn't polite to say rag, Rachel. 



Rachel — Wei, this is different (plays 
lively ragtime). 

(Isadore grabs his wife out of her 
chair and they do a grotesque dance, 
Sarah kniting all the time.) 

Music : 

(Curtain.) 

SCENE II. 

(Same room; following night. Ra- 
chel at piano playing and singing 
''Glide, Little Brown-Eyed Lovey !'' 
Bel rings.) 

Rachel (rising quickly and runing 
thru door, with triping step) — Gene! 
Gene ! It's Gene ! 

Gene (entering, with arm around 
Rachel) — ^Honey, what was that I heard 
you singing? 

Rachel — A new love waltz song ; lis- 
ten (plays and sings song while Gene 
hums). 

Gene — Play it again, dear. It is 



10 



beautiful. (They sing. Chorus: Ra- 
cliel rises and they waltz, singing.) 

(After dance they snuggle up on 
sofa; lights gradualy go out.) 

Rachel — Don't, Gene, mama might 
come in ( soft calcium reveals Gene kiss- 
ing Rachel). 

(Darkness.) 

Mrs. Cohen steals softly onto the 
stage and turns on electric lamp. Ra- 
chel jumps hastily to her feet. 

Sarah — Good efening, Mr. Tryer. 

Gene (rising to his feet and bowing) 
Dwyer, if you please, mam. Good eve- 
ning. 

Sarah — ^Rachel, you go oudt in der 
eading room. (Rachel obeys). Isa- 
dore! (calling loudly). 

Isadore (in wings) — Jah. 

Sarah (motioning Gene to seat) — Sit 
down, Mr. Dwyer. 

(Isadore comes in and Gene rises to 
greet him.) 

Isadore — Goot efening, Mr. Dwyer; 



11 



sit down (motions Sarah out, who re- 
tires with a courtesy). 

(Isadore walks nervously up and 
down, rumpling his hair and breathing 
hard; Gene leans cooly back and waits.) 

Isadore (stoping abruptly in front of 
Gene) — You vant to marry my Rachel, 
Mr. Dwyer? 

Gene (shortly) — That is my inten- 
tion. 

Isadore (spreading out his hands) — 
Vel, und vhy dond you ask her fader 
for her. 

Gene (off-handedly) — Oh, that's out 
of date. 

Isadore (sarcasticaly) — It isn't oudt 
of date to vant her fader's money. 

Gene (rising and drawing himself up 
proudly) — I can provide for my wife, 
sir. 

Isadore — Vel, dot iss all righd. 

(Scene is shoved partly to one side 
showing Rachel and her mother eagerly 
listening at door.) 



12 



Gene — Stil, Mr. Cohen, if you wish 
it, I wil now ask you for your daugh- 
ter's hand in marriage. 

Isadore— Vel, I vould rather my Ra- 
chel shouldt marry a Hebrew, but as 
she lofes you I gif in, mit a ver small 
concessions — you only haf to shange 
your names to Cohen. 

Gene (indignantly) — What, 
ladore (off-handedly) — Shust a lid- 
die concessions — shange your names to 
Cohen. 

Gene (in a horrified undertone) — 
Change my name to Cohen! (To au- 
dience, sotto voce:) And my great- 
great-great-grandfather was the King 
of Dublin. 

(Draws back and doubles up his fist 
as tho to strike, then shakes his head 
and drops his arm.) 

(The women nervously grasp each 
other behind the scene.) 

Isadore— Vel, make id Mr. Cohen- 
Dwyer, I gif in mineself. 



13 



Gene — No Cohen in it. Just plain 
Dwyer. 

Isadore (shruging shoulders, suavely) 
— Vel, all righcl, only vun ting I shall 
insist on — my first grandson must 
shange his names to Isaac Cohen, as 
vas niine grandfader, und I gif him a 
lots of munish. 

Gene — He wil be named Eugene 
Dwyer, sir. That's flat. 

Isadore (excitedly) — Vhat? You 
von't mage any concessions (totters, 
grasps at air and falls). 

Gene (alarmed) — Rachel! Rachel! 

(Rachel and Mrs. Cohen come on 
with rush. Mrs. Cohen kneels and 
gathers Isadore's head in lap, wailing. 
Rachel rushes off, returns with basin 
of water and dashes it into her father's 
face.) 

Isadore (sputtering, half conscious) 
— Vel, name him Isaac Cohen Dwyer. 
I gif in. 

(Curtain.) 



14 



Four Things To Not Forget! 



Swatches 

Glide, Citrle Brown-€ved Cov^ey 

Horia 

Cbe Bugle Call 



One Question. Have you read 

SWATCHES? 

No? Wei, just sit up and take notice 
that your existence is minus a great help. 
Yes? You are certainly wide awake! 



Should you catch cold siting up to 
finish these interesting books, take 

K B L A 

It banishes the il-effects of every form 
of mucous membrane irritation. 



THE BUGLE CALL 

Should be in every loyal American home. 
It contains the very essence of patriotism, 



If your dealer cannot supply you, come to 

RIANT GUILD 

Baldwin and Newark Aves. 

Jersey City, N. J. 
Where we have an abundance of them 
and many other useful accessories for 
your comfort and amusement. 



Ocean Gate 

Nature's culmina..-^® ^ ^^ggg 661 2 

point in seashore 

architecture. 





We would be pleased to 
have you accept of our 
hospitalities to and from 
the City Superb any 
pleasant Sunday. 



That Fascinating Waltz Song 

Glide, cmie Brown-Eyed Eovcy 

Is just the caper for you and the dear 
little girlie. 



To Keep Alive the Great 
Heroism of Our Fathers 



Cbe Biiflle €all 



Should Be Read 
All Over the Land 



